A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

I’ll be honest with you: I don’t quite understand the popularity of this film. Maybe it isn’t this film in and of itself, but rather the franchise. But A Nightmare on Elm Street holds a 95% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Granted, this seems to be mostly from horror reviewers, but the point still stands: this film is popular.

Maybe it’s the villain. Freddy Krueger, only really referred to as Fred Krueger in this film. Freddy is a pretty good villain. He is scary looking and pretty eerie. He doesn’t speak much, but when he does it’s either funny or creepy. The fact that he seems to toy with his some of his victims before killing them suits the character and the mere fact that he is a child murderer would be disturbing to some.

At first I was quite upset that Freddy didn’t actually seem to get much time on screen but that really works for his creepiness factor. The less you see him, the more you fear him. Sadly, when it comes to the climax he seems pretty useless and is comically taken down at one point by a sledgehammer (come on, he’s some supernatural being!), which takes away from his legitimacy as a fearsome villain.

The acting in this film is also another positive for this film. All of the actors are pretty good, especially the leading cast, such as Heather Langenkamp as Nancy, and Johnny Depp. Langenkamp is the heroin of the film and she carries off her role perfectly, unlike the girl who gets killed first, played by Amanda Wyss.

So we have two positives, but why does this film confuse me?

Well, it’s the execution of the plot. You see, Freddy is dead, killed by the parents on Elm Street because he was a child murderer and got off of prison on a technicality. So now he is getting back at the parents by killing their children in their dreams, where he has power. It's a very interesting a good basic plot to the film.

But I find that it all falls apart when we see Freddy affecting things outside of the dreams. One of the characters is killed off by being hanged by his bed sheets in a police station cell. How does he do this? Does he have control over anything to do with the bed? Depp’s character is clearly awake when he is killed, blood gushing up to the ceiling from a hole in his bed in a ridiculous manner. At the end of the film he gets out of the dream and tries to kill the main character.

By the end of the film we have all of the characters alive again, together in a convertible. Then the cover comes up and it’s in the design of Freddy’s shirt, the doors all lock, the windows all go up and the car drives away. The Nancy’s mum is then waving them off and suddenly Freddy’s clawed hand busts through the door and drags the mum in. The End!

What? What happened there?! Was this all a dream? I get the feeling that this is like some sort of Inception dream within a dream within a dream/which reality is reality and which is the dream stuff going on. I have no idea what happened at the end there, nor what happened before it. The movie has made no effort to explain these things and instead just leaves me sitting here feeling confused.

This is why the popularity of this film confuses me. Conceptually it's really good but it just fails in execution. Freddy’s powers are confusing and the events of the film are questionable. It’s such a shame because A Nightmare on Elm Street does a great job at building up tension and suspense, but this is all sadly taken over by confusion as the film goes on.

And when the better version of this film is the parody from The Simpson's Treehouse of Horror VI then there may be some issues with the source material.

But maybe when I think A Nightmare on Elm Street is popular I’m thinking of the franchise, and not the initial film in the series. I’m sure I’ll find out as this series continues.

Final Verdict: 4/10

Video Nasties: Don’t Look in the Basement (1973)

THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

a.k.a. The Forgotten

Year Re-Released: 2005 (uncut)

Before we look at this film let’s look at the synopsis on the back on the DVD case doesn’t help the film at all, boasting “twisted fantasies which includes urder”. Oh boy, I can’t wait to find out what “urder” is!

Don’t Look in the Basement is set in Stephens Sanitarium, possibly the worst mental health institute in the US as patients are free to roam around the secluded building. This is in the hopes that they will just somehow snap out of their fantasies just because they get to act them out. Sounds like not only would that reinforce these behaviours, but it also sounds extremely dangerous, which is exactly what it is.

In the 9 minute lead up to the opening credits appear one of the dangerous patients attacks the chief doctor with an axe and another crushes a nurse’s head after the patient thinks the nurse is trying to steal her “baby”. Now with these two out of the way one doctor is left, but that’s OK because a new nurse is on her way. Then the film gets tedious and boring.

The biggest problem with this institute is that some of these people are clearly dangerous. One character seems to take it upon himself to call judgment on everyone and is violent about it. Another is a Sergeant, but he doesn’t do anything, though is most probably volatile due to having shellshock from the Vietnam War. The woman with the doll is violent towards people who she deems threatening.  

Some of these people also feel like they shouldn’t be there, aside from a man called Sam, who has the mind of a child. We also have some guy who just comes across as a nasty person, not insane. There’s also an old lady who just seems like an old lady.

There’s also a nymphomaniac who really shouldn’t be in the institute. The premise of “living out fantasies” can only go so far with her, as she is unable to act upon them because no one will have sex with her, therefore the chief doctor cannot cure her. I think she is only there to increase the creepiness factor in the only genuinely creepy scene where it is implied that she has had sex with a fresh corpse.

The reason I have been talking about the patients so much is because this is pretty much all the film is about: looking at insane people for 70 minutes until the climax of the film. It isn’t entertaining and isn’t scary or creepy. It’s just boring,

When the climax does finally come along there is a clever twist where it turns out that the doctor currently running the institute is actually one of the patients and that the nurse is the only sane one there. Then people just start dying for no real reason. The not-doctor kills one of them, then the necrophilia scene, then the nurse finds the chief doctor in the basement and kills him in fear, then the patients go to kill the nurse, then Sam saves her, then they go to kill the not-doctor, she dies, nurse escapes through the basement, Sam comes back and kills them all for killing the not-doctor, the end.

Seriously, that’s how it ends. Stuff just kind of happens and then THE END!

I suppose I can kind of see why Don’t Look in the Basement a Video Nasty. It has some nudity (two occasions where breasts appear) and some violence, along with the implied necrophilia (it is implied, though the box says necrophilia is in it). So those are some reasons it may have been banned, but there’s nothing really solid to go on here.

I don’t really recommend this film. If you want a slasher  this isn’t the film for you and if you want One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest critique on mental institutions in the US then I can’t say you’ll get that here either. Just watch something else and you’ll be more entertained. Not only this but this film never tells you what “urder” really is. That’s just disappointing!

Final Verdict: 1/10

Saw: The Final Chapter (2010)

 THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!

Oh, man, this movie was something special. I kind of love this movie. It has nothing to do with it being good or having a good story or anything like that. No, I love this movie because it so bad that it is hilarious and fun to watch. Really bad and really fun!

This finale feels like some sort of self parody, not a serious end to the franchise. It seems as if the people who made this movie were having a laugh and giving the finger to people who truly cared about this series.

The movie suffers from many things. One of these things is bad acting. Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) is comically transparent and evil - though he always was – but now it just feels ridiculous. Jill Tuck (Betsy Russell) always wears the same facial expression and Detective Matt Gibson (Chad Donella) was impossible to take seriously due to the terrible acting.

On top of this we have a nonsensical plot. Someone (Sean Patrick Flanery) claims to have escaped Jigsaw’s game and has released a book to show how great he now finds life. Of course, this guy is a phony, but no one seems to understand this. Surely someone would examine the scars on his body or have questioned him thoroughly or something to expose him. Also, this book is mean to have been released and all within the timeline of the films. This doesn’t seem likely to me.

Of course it is him put in the game, where he is given some of the most impossible tasks so far. So impossible we realise this series has given up and just started killing people willy nilly.

Which is why it is now a slasher flick. Oh yeah, Hoffman goes around shanking dudes just because. Obviously he learned nothing from Jigsaw, making everything in the previous films pointless.

So, basically, this franchise has now lost all of its identity just for blood, death, gore, violence and a body count. This is even the first Saw film (and, of course, last) to have an opening death scene that is never brought up. And this death scene takes place in public, for some reason, where a bunch of idiots just crowd around and watch as people show how terrible they are at acting.

Oh, and it turns out Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes) is alive and is now the new Jigsaw. Only took them 6 movies to bring him back for a terrible twist ending. We now have no idea what Kramer’s legacy really is because there is no legacy shown. We can’t assume anything because we aren’t given the appropriate material to base a judgement on anything. It’s stupid.

But despite all of this I loved this film, purely because it was so bad. It was almost glorious in how it tried to ruin the series. It isn’t quite up to par with Highlander II levels of ruination, but it goes for it.

But here we are, at the end of this series. What have I learned?

Well, for one, don’t let unfounded prejudices stop you from watching films, you might be pleasantly surprised. Also, that torture porn is somewhat lucrative, but mostly idiotic in this day and age. And finally, the Saw franchise is completely mental!

Final Verdict: 1/10

Saw VI (2009)

THIS REVIEW IS TRYING ITS HARDEST NOT TO SPOIL A SINGLE THING AND HOPEFULLY IT HASN'T, BUT HERE'S A WARNING JUST IN CASE!

I’m shocked I’m about to type this, but here we go: The 6^th Saw film is my favourite in the series. Seriously, I am not kidding. When watching the utter tripe we got from the 4^th and 5^th films, with a lacklustre 3^rd film, I thought the last two films would be awful!

It’s weird to think that, as I watch the Saw films, I think it should be a TV show. All of them seem like they should be hour long episodes in an American TV series. The flashbacks remind me of Lost and the crime segments remind me of CSI. Yet if it was an American TV show then it would have been cancelled because of Saw IV being so badly received, so not all would have turned out well for it.

I honestly don’t want to spoil any of the plot for this movie. It is great as a standalone piece of cinema. What I can say is the general premise of the film, as well as the opening. Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) has got away with pinning the Jigsaw copycat killings on Agent Strahm and is now assisting Jill (Betsy Russell) in carrying out John Kramer’s (Tobin Bell) final requests. This consists of making a man play a game where he has to decide on how much he values other people’s lives. Even saying that I have spoiled it slightly, but it’s okay, it is deeper than that.

The tests in this film are pretty damn good. They are simple, yet effective, not unlike the very first film’s game. They all consist of difficult decisions that weigh heavily on the subject’s mind when trying to figure out what to do in such a short period of time. The tests are honestly extremely suspenseful, unlike the tests in the other films, and you feel sorry for the man when he is trying to complete them.

The directing in this film has got a thousand times better, so much so that I feel I have overcome my epilepsy and motion sickness. The acting is so much better and the twists make sense and are suspenseful. It’s hard for me to comment on anything in this film without saying “I really liked it.” Well, Hoffman is transparently evil, but I’m OK with that.

Just... go watch this film. It’s great.

Now to watch the one that had the worst ratings. 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, eh? Pretty bad... Ah well, at least it’s the last one!

Final Verdict: 9/10

Saw V (2008)

THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

2 + 3 = 5.

Just as this is true, it seems that Saw V is just Saw II and Saw III rolled into one ugly mess. Granted, this film is not as boring, confusing and downright rubbish as Saw IV, but it is still terribly lacklustre.

At the end of Saw IV we found out that Agent Strahm (Scott Patterson) looks exactly like Mark Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) and this means that trying to piece together events is rather confusing. This lead me to believe, at first, that the ending to Saw IV was more confusing than it actually was. I wrote the review after figuring out they were two completely different people.

A shame, then, that these two people are the leads for this film. Strahm is boringly going on a hunt for knowledge, attempting to discover who the hell put him in some crazy trap that goes against the rules laid out by the films by having no instructions and no way of escape unless Strahm improvises, which he does.

Strahm's research teaches us that Hoffman is a bad guy, which we figured out from the end of Saw IV. However, what we didn’t know is that Hoffman has a slightly different story to Amanda Young, so obviously it needs to be shown in near entirety. Which is boring, because I honestly don’t care. If they simply showed the reason why Hoffman is Kramer’s apprentice then I wouldn’t have minded, but this film decides to show every little step to Hoffman becoming Jigsaw Killer V2.0.

The film, like Saw II, starts off with an opening kill, which is annoying enough. But it gets moronic as it turns out Hoffman created the elaborate device before becoming an apprentice. Where did this detective get his engineering know-how? The film doesn’t answer this. Obviously this is something we don’t need to know about this guy’s backstory.

The game set up is boring to watch too. It is set up in four rooms with five players, going from the first room to the next and to the next. The game seems to require Darwinian “survival of the fittest” gameplay, but in an obvious twist it turns out they were meant to work together, and they totally could have, in order to finish properly and not be terrifyingly mutilated and risk further death.

But wait, what about the third room, which has a bath in the middle of it where an electrical current must pass through to open the next door. But this can only happen if someone is in the bath, therefore dying due to electric shock. They couldn’t all grab a cord and do it individually as they would all run the risk of dying. So this defeats the purpose of the end room!

Yet again, the directing and editing annoys me, and all of the characters try their best to make me hate them. But it doesn’t feel as bad as Saw IV. At least, it isn’t as offensive. Kramer gets to come back for some more flashbacks and he is back to his usual self. Nonetheless, this film still sucks and I don’t recommend it. Just watch Saw II and Saw III, then try to imagine them condensed into one film.

Final Verdict: 2/10

Saw IV (2007)

THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

Be warned, this is  a long one...

This film feels like a turning point for me. The first three I enjoyed to an extent. The first two I thought were good, the third being a bit crap but a good way to end the trilogy. Well, it just so turns out Saw IV made Saw III look great by comparison.

I can’t quite tell what exactly makes me dislike Saw IV, but I’m going to go ahead and say everything. The directing and editing of this film was horrible. Remember in the Saw II review how I said that I fear of getting epilepsy? I may well have it now because of this films constant flashing. I also have motion sickness because the camera keeps moving around far too much.

The game this time seems completely ridiculous. It doesn’t feel like Rigg (Lyriq Bent) needs to be completing it on his own. He has to go outside, into the city, to complete some tasks, and yet he doesn’t get any help. At all. Also, the fact that he is no longer stuck in a single room or a building just doesn’t feel right for the series. Because outside there is no control over what happens, so it is only due to convenience that the game works.

The game, yet again, turns into a twist (M. Night Shyamalan would be proud). If he didn’t try to complete the game this time then everyone would have lived and it would have all have been fine. Oh, wow, you got me there that time, Saw.

But not only this, we find out that this film is a midquel. It takes place during the events of Saw III, meaning that it was Kramer (Tobin Bell) who set all of this up and not some long lasting legacy left by him, which would have been interesting. No, instead we are treated to a filler movie, which does a lot in ruining the story for us.

You see, John Kramer is a dick. OK, maybe he was already a dick, but he was kind of understandable. He thought people should start respecting their own lives more because he realised how truly precious it was. Fine. But no, it turns out he was to have a child, but his wife had a miscarriage. He then blocked her out of his life and decided to kill the guy who caused the death in the first game. This all feels so wrong and unnecessary, ruining a character as well as badly handling the death of an unborn child to the point that I am angry at the movie (and I won’t get started on the badly handled rape, which, again, angered me).

But on top of this we have Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) coming back from Saw II to die an anti-climactic death that I really didn’t think he deserved as well as Jeff Denlon (Angus Macfayden) from Saw III being killed in yet another anti-climactic fashion. These both take place in the ending of the film, which feels rushed and choppy, not really selling the over-complicated plot it was going for. Oh, and we now have another apprentice who has decided to follow Kramer because... he thought it was a good idea? I’m not sure, it isn’t very clear.

Then I got thinking: why does Kramer hate the police? All of his previous victims seemed to be people who deserved to learn the values of life and to care more, like a drug addict, an obsessed man who stopped caring about his family, and criminals in general. This time it seems to be a man who wants to help and save people. Several police get brought into the mix as well. It perplexes and puzzles me. I just guess the writers stopped caring.

On top of all of this we have other, more nit-picky issues. I saw a boom mic in an interrogation scene and during the opening autopsy I could see the facial mask that Tobin Bell was wearing. An issue with continuity is confusing, as Amanda Young is mentioned at a time before the autopsy and discovery of Amanda Young as an apprentice (because something tells me that Daniel from Saw II knew she was).

The editing was annoying, quickly flashing 5 different reactions to pain or someone’s speech, which just looked silly, and at one point an interrogator yells the same words 5 times due to the editing. It’s hard to put into words, but if you watch this film or have watched it then you might know what I mean.

Plus, and this is very nit-picky, the origin of the pig mask seems useless. The only reason it seems to be used is because Kramer wore one once when kidnapping someone, so thinks now it is a great idea to do it.

To be honest, though, when I say “if you watch this film” I’m being far too presumptive, especially considering what I am about to write.

DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM! It is really terrible. I had no fun, zero fun, watching this film. It takes the previous films and decides it doesn’t like them being good and decides to try and make you hate it. The torture porn is still prevalent. Tough issues are handled badly. Most of all, though, and I think this was my biggest issue, this film is completely unnecessary. It adds nothing to the series so far. It doesn’t take away, but it definitely tries to ruin it. This really is the worst Saw film so far.

Final Verdict: 1/10

The Inbetweeners Movie (2011)

The Inbetweeners is well known for its humour. It’s crude, sexual and, at times, incredibly childish. On paper this TV series should not have worked, but something about the show, be it the characters, the writing, the jokes or storylines, captured the heart of the British public. With its popularity unquestionable it is not entirely unsurprising that this series spawned a film.

To those unfamiliar with The Inbetweeners, the TV show focuses on four teenage boys in Sixth Form trying to cope with being outsiders whilst still trying to integrate themselves in normal society, become men and have sex. So, basically, what most teenage boys do. The show was based around a lot of awkward and gross out comedy which was timed perfectly to attain optimum amusement.

Now that overly brief summary of the series is over let’s look at The Inbetweeners Movie.

The plot involves the four lads, Will (Simon Bird), Simon, (Joe Thomas), Jay (James Buckley) and Neil (Blake Harrison) deciding that the best way to end their stint at Sixth Form is to go on a holiday to Malia, Crete. Simon uses this to get over his ex-girlfriend, Carli (Emily Head), whilst the others use it as a chance to try and get as much sex and booze as possible. From here onwards it is a tale of friendship, coming of age and a quest for clunge.

This acting in this film is fantastic. Anyone who watched the TV series will be glad that the standards of the TV series are kept in this film, and will also be able to understand the characters more, which might be a daunting task for newcomers. This is accompanied by fantastic script-writing, where jokes come thick and fast and as crude as ever.

But surprisingly for a film based upon the TV show we get some honestly heart-warming and touching moments. Characters interact with each other so well, be it between established friends or the people they meet on holiday. This does produce some funny moments, but the moments where it gets seriously do tug at your heartstrings. You know that these guys really care about each other, even though their exterior tells you otherwise.

But the film isn’t just about serious moments. The film is a comedy, and it truly deserves that title. The jokes are hilarious. They remain as crude and sexual as they were in the TV series, but tenfold, producing a film that has you laughing from beginning to end.

The Inbetweeners Movie is a true coming of age story, showing the trials and tribulations of growing up and realising that you will soon no longer be able to leave near each other because of university. It delivers this is an amazing comedic style without faltering and is well worth seeing. Not necessarily an essential cinema film, but essential for almost anyone who is a teenager or young adult and definitely an essential Summer film!

Final Verdict: 9/10