A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Holy crap! This film... this is exactly what I was hoping for when I started watching the A Nightmare on Elm Street films. If you haven’t seen these films and but have heard about them then Dream Warriors is probably the closest that comes to what you were expecting.

Dream Warriors takes place in a psychiatric hospital with seven troubled teenagers. All of them have seen Freddy Krueger in their dreams, which the doctors think is some kind of group psychosis. But these are the last of the Elm Street kids, whose parents killed Freddy Krueger all those years ago.

We see the return of Nancy from the first film, who is now a psychiatrist and new staff member at the hospital. It turns out that the real ending of the first film was pretty much everything that happened before the actual end of the film. Good, this gives a clear cut point from which to build this film from. Over the years she has had to deal with the nightmares and takes a new experimental drug to suppress them. She now works at this hospital in order to help these teenagers against Freddy.

There’s a lot that makes this film more interesting. For one we learn more about Freddy. We learn about his tragic past as the child of a woman raped by mental patients. We also get to see Freddy’s powers more consistently. He is able to alter the dream world completely to his liking. What we see is quite frightening as he completely changes rooms and the buildings on a whim. We also see that he is able to control people in their sleep, so when one might think the person is sleepwalking he’s actually being controlled by Freddy.

But most of all it’s the title that brings the most interest. The so-called ‘Dream Warriors’. Though this might be a bit of a powerful term, it’s what these kids are. They all get brought into the same group dream and have their own powers based upon their own fantasies. So the nerd gets to be a wizard master whilst the quiet guy has a strong and powerful voice.

It’s fucking awesome! This is what should have happened in previous films: the kids getting together in the same dream to try and fight off Freddy. Sure, the dream powers might seem a little ridiculous, but this is the dream world, so they can try and use it to their own advantage. The fact that the kids are actively fighting back just makes everything so much better and so much more entertaining.

Freddy is also great in this film. This time he pretty much sticks in the dream world, where he belongs and where he is most powerful. He is fun and scary at the same time, delivering some great lines and being truly terrifying through his manipulation of both the world around him and the kids.

All of this comes together rather nicely during an exciting climax. Freddy must be defeated in the dream world as well as the real world, where his bones need to be buried on hallowed ground to stop him from having any powers, and so be put to rest. Characters commit acts of badassery and some die in their attempts to defeat Freddy, but they overcome all odds and defeat him. Though there was most probably no other way to end the film it is still intense and you are never too sure if they will actually win.

This is definitely the first of these films that I have liked. It has all the elements of a good horror film. If the previous two films were more similar to this in tone and made more sense then I probably would have liked them. This just did it all correctly and had fun whilst doing it. It’s now a question of whether or not the rest of these films will keep this standard.

Final Verdict: 8/10

Mum & Dad (2008)

Mum & Dad. It’s hard to tell what this film is going to be simply from the title. I mean, it has no allusions to any genre whatsoever. Maybe a romantic comedy or something, talking about the love between mother and father. Something along those lines.

Of course, what you wouldn’t expect from that title is a disgusting British thriller that seems to do everything right!

We start the first 10 minutes of the film with Birdie and Lena, a Polish immigrant, who both work at an Airport. Through this time we get to know the two, Birdie being a chatterbox and Lena being somewhat shunned by her family, left on her own. It’s interesting to see the interactions between these two, who seem like they are going to be good friends as the film goes on. When Lena misses her bus because of Birdie you think nothing of it when Birdie offers to help her get home.

Then Lena gets to Birdie’s house and things get very, very different. She’s knocked out then, when she wakes up, is told that she is the new “daughter” in this family, made up of Birdie, Mum, Dad and the quiet Elbie. What follows is a film filled with claustrophobia, suspense and disgust.

The film’s creepiness doesn’t revolve around gore and guts, though there is enough of that in the film. No, unlike a lot of horror and thriller films in recent years this film is all about atmosphere. The entire film has a constant feeling of dread. The family are such oddballs and played so well that their actions are difficult to gauge, going from extremely kind one second then snapping to murderous the next.

The characters of Mum and Dad are played extremely well and make the film an absolute pleasure to watch. For some it might seem weird seeing Meggy from This Is England perform such disgusting acts, implying paedophilia and incest, but he nonetheless carries it off extremely well. He is honestly fearful and Mum is the same. She never shows as much anger as Dad, but because of this she is even creepier, torturing Lena as if it is the most natural thing in the world.

But this film isn’t just about the creepiness. There’s also a lot of dark humour in there. Stuff you know you shouldn’t be laughing at, but you laugh nonetheless. Out of the entire film it is most probably the Christmas scene that is the funniest. Just because they have a prisoner, ahem, I mean, new daughter, doesn’t mean they can’t celebrate Christmas with her. It’s a family occasion!

That scene is just so funny and so creepy at the same time, bringing together everything that is disgusting so far in the film and upping the stakes to bring it towards a climax which is both fitting and satisfying. Disgusting, creepy, violent and disturbing. Everything that we experienced in the film and more!

This film is not exactly light-hearted and nor is it for those who can’t watch films where things are so messed up, no, actually 'fucked up' is more accurate. Mum & Dad is a great piece of cinema that not many will be aware of, but because of that only the people who are interested in this type of film will watch Mum & Dad and they will be the ones to enjoy it the most!

Final Verdict: 8/10

The Zombie Diaries (2006)

I wouldn’t be surprised that anyone familiar with George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead would think I am talking about that film, giving it an incorrect or alternate title. Maybe they would think this is a rip-off of that film. But both of those are incorrect.

The Zombie Diaries is a film that has no connection to George A. Romero and was released before Diary of the Dead (which I will hopefully be watching soon). Instead, it is an independent British film released in 2006 (DVD in 2007).

The film revolves around three groups of people, all conveniently having a hand-held camera in order to film the zombie invasion of the UK. Thankfully, the people behind the camera do explain why they have the cameras with them, even if it is basically “because we might come across something interesting.” All of these groups of people are made up of your ordinary British civilians trying to cope with living in a Britain full of zombies. We’ve all seen it done before.

But for some reason this film seems to do it well. Sure, the acting can get pretty poor at times and there being not so much of a story, but it’s interesting to see how people cope with the invasion. It is obviously taking a lot of influence from the Romero films, concentrating on the people more than the zombies. This is very refreshing and something I prefer compared to the extent films seem to concentrate on the zombies these days.

I also find that this coupled with the fact that we can tell there is a real person behind the camera really helps. A lot of the films in this sub-genre seem to forget there is someone holding the camera, making it so that they don’t do anything when they really should do. But in The Zombie Diaries we see the person putting the camera down and running over to help their friends.

Sadly, the use of a hand-held camera can get rather nauseous and I couldn’t quite understand what was going on because the camera was shaking too much. Though I didn’t like it I feel it did help me feel the confusion and horror the characters felt at the time.

Which is something else this film does well: horror. Some of the moments in this film felt like proper horror. I was getting tense when they slowly opened each door in an abandoned barn, waiting for the undead to appear in one of the rooms. As the undead slowly approached the heroes I was on the edge of my seat, hoping for them to get away. I truly cared for them, hoping they would escape.

I was surprised about how much I liked this film. It was only cost £8,100 to make and at times it shows. But the effects are solid, looking realistic (another testament to actual effects as opposed to CGI), the story is interesting, the characters are likeable and their actions are believable. More horror films need to have the feel of this film, where there is legitimate horror as opposed to jump scares, and more zombie movies need these slow zombies as opposed to the speedy zombies that we see nowadays, which oftentimes don’t make sense or aren’t scary at all.

I seriously recommend this film. It might not be to your tastes, and doesn’t appear to be overly popular, but hopefully you can appreciate it the same way I did.

Final Verdict: 7/10

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

Possibly the clumsiest titled films of 2011, Rise of the Planet of the Apes has been touted as being one of the better movies of the year. It’s been constantly recommended to me and has been reviewed fairly well, better than some of my favourite films of the year. So I went into this slightly sceptical, not sure if it would be good from the trailers, but still expecting it to be better than I thought it would be.

It seems that the movie going public and the professional critics have let me down. This film is not, as someone told me, “one of the best films of the year” and in no way stands up to this year’s great films such as X-Men: First Class, Cowboys & Aliens, or Source Code.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes does not actually have a rise in it. The film instead features what can be more closely described as a rebellion or an escape, though that would be far too closely titled to Escape from the Planet of the Apes. The apes in this film are held captive in a sanctuary where Draco Malfoy abuses them to a comical extent, being a hammy and hilariously unlikeable as possible. Obviously, the apes are not pleased with this, so they escape.

The reason they are able to do this is that Caesar (Andy Serkis), who is sent there, is a super intelligent ape as he is the child of an ape who was given an experimental virus that increases a chimpanzee’s intelligence to a human level. Caesar is able to lead them and organise them so that they can escape.

Caesar is actually a very likeable character. You feel for him when he is sad, angry or happy. Sadly, it is quite hard to connect with him as he, and every other ape in this film, is CGI. Noticeable CGI, to be precise. None of the apes have any weight in this world, even if they were brought about through motion capture, so they don’t feel like they are really there or are really interacting with anyone or anything. This does nothing but bug the hell out of me, making me cringe when the CGI is extremely noticeable. However, the details of the apes are really good. Looking at a single eye or a hand is very lifelike, but doesn’t make up for how fake the apes look as a whole.

The film is also very well acted. James Franco does his very best, like in most of the films he is in. John Lithgow plays his character, who has Alzheimer’s, extremely well and Brian Cox does his best Rip Torn for the audience.

Sadly, some of these roles are let down by other actors, such as Malfoy, who is so transparently evil he’s laughable. His accent seems to go from British to American to Irish and he chews scenery like there’s no tomorrow. David Oyelowo also plays a transparently evil character, the head of a pharmaceutical company who wants nothing but to make money, screw the consequences of his actions and all that rubbish! Freida Pinto as Franco’s love interest seems pointless and her acting is very average.

But the major failing of this film is the story. The plot in and of itself should be good, but the way it is handled is horrendous. Few actions seem to have consequences, such as Franco’s character stealing some of the wonder-virus and a baby chimpanzee from his company. Instead of legal issues and being fired he continues his job for the next 8 years and is given the go ahead to continue his research on the virus. No repercussions whatsoever.

The beginning of this film feels rushed but the scenes at the sanctuary go one for far longer than necessary. Some of the changes Caesar makes throughout the years seem to be swept aside, the film not seeming to care for his development at all. The ending of the film seems extremely anti-climactic, with the apes reaching their destination then showing the end credits. Just 5 seconds into the end credits we still have more movie to go, as a few minutes of the film plays showing what will lead to the downfall of the human race.

The film even got unintentionally funny at times. What is supposed to be one of the most dramatic parts of the film is ruined due to the events leading up to it. The silence that followed after that moment was filled with laughter from the audience. Some of the actions of the apes when attacking San Francisco seemed stupid and other dramatic scenes seemed funny due to the length of the shot or merely the visuals on screen.

But the most confusing thing within this film was the apes. For some reason it is told to us that the apes are not intelligent, yet their actions seem far more intelligent than that of normal apes. Yet when they are made smarter they devolve into mob mentality. Furthermore, when some apes are freed from the zoo they act the same as these “smarter” apes, which is confusing. These apes pick up parts of fences and use them as spears, yet the events of the film prior to this do not seem to justify them doing this.

This film had potential, and it is sad that it turned out this way. The CGI was distracting, some of the acting was bad and the plot was contradictory and full of holes. However, you can pick up on the ideas that the film tried to convey and you do get invested in the plot. You care for (some of) the apes and (sometimes) root for them when they are escaping. Sadly, this does not save the film. However, the unintentional hilarity of some of the film does save face a little bit.

To be fair to this film it isn’t exactly bad but there is a lot wrong with it. No way would I call it a good film nor would a rank it as one of the best films of the year. Some do say this is a good film and I don’t disagree with them, I just personally found it to be just below average.

Final Verdict: 4/10

Video Nasties: Axe (1977)

a.k.a. Lisa, Lisa; California Axe Massacre

Year Re-Released: 2005 (uncut)

Axe supposedly takes place in a secluded and isolated farm, where a psychotic girl named Lisa cares for her paralysed grandfather. This isn’t quite true. The first half of the film basically follows three criminals doing some stuff. I’m really not sure what it is they are doing. At first they kill a couple of guys for some reason, and then they go to a convenience store and throw tomatoes at the clerk, then play a bit of William Tell with her.

When it gets to the 25 minute mark we finally arrive at the secluded house. But it’s only after some faffing around that the criminals meet Lisa. They decide to stay low here, and Lisa doesn’t put up much resistance.

It’s a while after this that stuff actually starts happening. After 40 minutes of nothingness we have attempted rape, which causes Lisa to murder the criminal. With a straight-edge razor. I thought this film was about an axe?

Well, it does turn out there is a murder committed with an axe. One. That’s it. What a jip!

But I’ve spent far too much time looking at the plot. In fact, I think I’ve spent more time looking at it than the film does because this film is boring as hell. It takes 40 minutes for something to happen and that isn’t exciting. There’s no tension and no excitement.

None of the characters are likeable. Lisa is just bland, two of the criminals are basic criminals and the other is pathetic and wimpy. There’s not a single moment spent on character development. We never get to know these characters or why they are doing the things they do. This is especially true for Lisa, whose psychosis is never explained. Maybe if the film spent more time on its characters rather than doing sod all we might have something to care about!

With all this said, though, the film is hilariously bad. The editing is terrible. At one point blood is meant to appear on a mirror, so they put a few frames of this in the middle of Lisa looking at the mirror. The way the camera shifts is so obvious it’s pitiful. In addition to this we have terrible acting from all present. Horrific scenes just come across as humorous.

I think maybe this film is a Video Nasty for one of two reasons, one more plausible than the other. I doubt it was due to the “rape” scenes, which are so badly shot that it doesn’t look like rape. No, I think it was more likely to be due to the title. Axe just sounds like it has an ungodly amount of violence. But it doesn’t.

Surprisingly for a film that is 68 minutes long it feels far too long. And when we consider that if we remove the start and end credits the film is more like 62 minutes long then that’s even more surprising. 62 minutes of rubbish.

Final Verdict: 0/10

Flash Game Reviews: Shift

In my mid-teens I played a lot of Flash games. They were free and could often be amazing. In fact, I have played some Flash games which were far superior to most console games I’ve played. Some Flash games you could tell were a labour of love and others you knew were just shat out for one reason or another. These reviews on Flash games are my tribute to the people who made these games and caused me to spend a lot of my time playing them.

One of the biggest names in Flash games is Armor Games, the company that annoys me and my spellchecker because it is spelled with the American version of “armour.” In 2008 a game was released by “Tony” (Antony Lavelle) who makes games for the site. This game is Shift.

Shift has no real story. It’s a puzzle platformer. You are Subject 32763 and you must get from the first screen to the last by puzzle platforming. That’s pretty much it. The entire premise of the game. But that’s fine. With my Flash games I don’t require deep story or anything, I want a fun game to play.

And fun it is! As it’s a puzzle platformer you obvious jump from one platform to another and the puzzle aspect is trying to figure out how to get there. The way this is achieved is so simple yet so ingenious. Just press the Shift key. When you do that the level turns around 180 degrees and your character goes upright in this new level. So where you would initially have this:

all you have to do is press Shift and you get this:

 and then you can complete the level and go onto the next. So simple, yet so clever. It also makes for some very interesting ways to solve the level.

To advance to the next level you need to get to the door, but sometimes you will have platforms blocking you. To get these out of the way all you need to do is collect one of the various keys on the level and you’ll have a path set out for you. Again, simple but effective.

The look of this game is also great. The simple black and white motif allows you to instantly recognise which part of the level you are on. Also, the simplicity just suits the game itself. It’s a simple game that plays amazingly.

The music playing in the background is great too. Very simplistic but fun and it fully immerses you in the game itself. The entire game has a cheek about it, constantly throwing insults and jokes at you and... wait a second. It’s Portal. This game has been influenced by Portal!

A simple puzzle platformer that is still somewhat challenging and has great audio, simplistic visuals and some omnipresent entity that mocks you. It even has a “The cake is a lie” thing going on!

Well, the game seems aware it’s influenced by Portal. I’ll give it that, though the references to Portal do annoy me (as they do with most games). But even if it is influenced by Portal I don’t mind. Some of the greatest things out there are almost directly influenced by other great things. And this game is great! I really advise playing it if you haven’t already. It isn’t a very long game, but it is worth it if you have a few minutes spare.

Plus, this game is great for another thing: it has brilliant sequels!

Final Verdict: 8/10

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS!

This film really confuses me. I don’t quite know what to think about it. It isn’t confusion in the same way as A Nightmare on Elm Street confused me. Everything seems established a bit better in Freddy’s Revenge and some things make a lot more sense. No, I’m confused because I’m not sure to what extent I like or dislike this film. I suppose actually writing about it will help me get my thoughts around it.

For one, I’m pretty sure the ending of the first film has been retconned to “everyone died and Nancy went insane” but that isn’t made entirely clear. That at least gives a simple ending to the first film and allows the events of the original to make more sense. Not sure if I like this, though.

Then we have the fact that our main character, Jesse (Mark Patton), seems to be slowly getting taken over from the dream world so that Krueger (Robert Englund) can commit murders through him. That should bring in some more psychological horror aspects as Jesse doesn’t know when he will become a violent killer. But Jesse never seems entirely phased by this. Only when he is changing into Krueger or just killed someone does he actually seem scared at all. Not only this, but it also means nothing really happens in the dream world. This makes the first film being about killing the kids in their dreams almost pointless.

However, it does lead to some creepy scenes and does build a little bit of tension. It is also an interesting concept, not being able to control oneself and becoming some violent supernatural killer. But this never comes up often enough, with Jesse being mostly himself throughout the film. There’s little to no tension. Thankfully, it does build up to a scene of violence and death, but this is all too little too late. And at the end Krueger is defeated by the power of love (cop out) and then everyone acts like nothing ever happened.

Oh, and then Freddy’s hand bursts out some girl’s stomach and the school bus goes careening off somewhere. THE END!

I’m going to go ahead and say I am not going to look forward to the ends of these films. I think they will all turn out disappointing.

But I have to say that overall I do find that this film does some things a bit more right than the original. It’s more clear cut, less confusing and a lot less ridiculous. Nonetheless, I think I have to say that I don’t really like this film. Barely anything happens in it and the overall climax was a bore, just to have some lovey-dovey nonsense come along and ruin what should be some epic ending, what with Freddy running around and all.

Which, to be honest, was another problem. Freddy getting out properly and doing things ruins the supernatural feel of the character. He no longer just has power in dreams and the outside world to a lesser extent. No, now he just goes right ahead and kills people in the real world. In trying to make a better story they seem to have ended up with a less creepy villain.

So I guess I’m less fond of this film. What I liked the most about the previous movie, the villain, has been stripped down to just a normal killer, in a way. The pacing of this film was terrible, at times plot points would go nowhere and there's the tiniest amount of tension or suspense. I realise now I have focussed mainly on the plot, but not what happens within the film. This is mainly because nothing happens in the film, but there is a bare bones plot in there somewhere. It’s hard to talk about a film like that.

Hopefully there will be more to talk about in the later films, be it good or be it bad!

Final Verdict: 3/10